How much to spend, by relationship, guests, travel, and what the plate costs
| Relationship | Etiquette range | Solo, local wedding | As a couple |
|---|---|---|---|
| Coworker, neighbor, acquaintance | $50 – $75 | $50 – $75 | $100 – $125 |
| Friend or extended family | $75 – $125 | $75 – $125 | $125 – $175 |
| Close friend or close relative | $125 – $200 | $125 – $200 | $175 – $250 |
| Immediate family / bridal party | $200 – $300 | $200 – $300 | $250 – $350 |
Bands follow widely cited etiquette conventions (The Knot and Emily Post–style guides); guests spend about $140 per gift on average, with immediate-family gifts nearer $150 and extended-family and coworker gifts closer to $70 in survey data. Your budget and closeness beat any table.
| Reception type | Typical plate cost/head | All-in cost per guest* |
|---|---|---|
| Backyard / casual | $50 – $75 | ~$150 – $200 |
| Standard banquet / hotel | $85 – $130 | ~$250 – $300 |
| Upscale city venue | $150 – $250 | ~$400 – $500 |
| Destination resort | $150 – $300 | varies (guests pay own travel) |
*All-in includes venue, food, drink, and rentals divided by guests: the average US wedding runs $34,200 for 117 guests — about $292 per guest, with catering around $80 a head (The Knot 2026 Real Weddings Study). Cover-the-plate is a floor idea, not an invoice.
Gift math is two lenses on the same question. The etiquette lens starts from your relationship and adjusts for how many people your gift covers and what the weekend costs you. The plate lens asks what your seat cost the couple. The calculator shows both, so the number you settle on is informed instead of anxious.
Base range comes from the relationship tier. A plus-one adds $50 to both ends — the couple is feeding two of you. A destination wedding subtracts $40: etiquette writers broadly agree that heavy travel costs count toward your total generosity. Not attending scales the range down 30%. Pre-wedding events add a suggested $25–75 each, budgeted separately so the wedding gift doesn't shrink invisibly.
Pick the relationship that's true, not flattering — "close" is a person you'd call at 2am, not someone you like at parties. Enter a realistic plate cost ($110 is a reasonable mid-range default; upscale cities run $150+). Then read the suggested band next to the plate-floor check: if your band sits below your plate cost and you can afford to close the gap, nudge up; if you can't, don't. Nobody audits.
You're a close friend attending a local wedding with your partner, plate cost around $110. Base range $125–200, plus-one takes it to $175–250. Your plates cost the couple $220 (2 × $110), which sits inside the band — so the etiquette answer and the plate answer agree, and you give somewhere in $175–250. If the same wedding were a destination affair with $700 in flights, the range eases to $135–210 and most etiquette writers would call that fully gracious.
Surveys put the average US wedding gift near $140. The widely cited etiquette bands: $50-75 for a coworker or acquaintance, $75-125 for a friend or extended family member, $125-200 for a close friend or close relative, and $200-300 for immediate family or the bridal party. Add roughly $50 if you're bringing a plus-one, and scale down about 30% if you're not attending.
It's a guideline, not a rule, and it comes from a fair instinct: your presence costs the couple money. The average US wedding runs about $34,200 for 117 guests (The Knot 2026 Real Weddings Study) — roughly $292 all-in per guest, with catering alone around $80 a head. Covering your plate is a reasonable floor for a guest who can afford it, but nobody audits your gift against the catering bill, and regional and family norms vary widely.
Cash is completely fine and increasingly the most common choice — many couples now set up honeymoon or funds registries. Registry gifts feel more personal and guarantee you paid retail for something they chose, while cash lets the couple put the money where it's actually needed. Either way, aim for the same dollar range and include a card with a note.
Bridal party members typically give at the top tier, $200-300, because they're close by definition and have already spent on attire, travel, and parties. But you've also just paid for a dress or tux and a bachelor(ette) weekend — most etiquette writers agree your presence and spending count, and a thoughtful $150 gift beats a strained $300 one.
Yes, but smaller: not attending typically scales the gift down about 30%, so a $125-200 close-friend range becomes roughly $90-140. Some couples say a gift isn't expected at all from faraway guests who sent regrets — but sending one is always a gracious look.
Pre-wedding event gifts are separate and smaller: $25-75 each is typical for an engagement party or bridal shower. If you've been to three events, budget the wedding gift first, then spend modestly on the rest — the couple would rather have you comfortable than compounding gifts into debt.