The invitation is on the fridge, the registry is open in a tab, and the question on every guest's mind is the same: what's the number? The honest answer is a range, not a number — set by how close you are to the couple, how many people your gift covers, and what the weekend costs you. Here are the bands, the plate math behind them, and the adjustments etiquette actually supports.
| Your relationship | Gift range | As a couple | Not attending |
|---|---|---|---|
| Coworker, neighbor, acquaintance | $50 – $75 | $100 – $125 | $35 – $55 |
| Friend or extended family | $75 – $125 | $125 – $175 | $55 – $90 |
| Close friend or close relative | $125 – $200 | $175 – $250 | $90 – $140 |
| Immediate family / bridal party | $200 – $300 | $250 – $350 | $140 – $210 |
These follow the etiquette conventions in The Knot's gifting guidance and Emily Post-style guides. For calibration: guests spend about $140 per gift on average, survey data puts immediate-family gifts near $150 and extended-family and coworker gifts nearer $70. In expensive cities the whole table shifts up $25-50; in small towns it shifts down. Family culture overrides everything — when in doubt, ask your mom or theirs.
Relationship, attendance, plus-one, travel, and plate cost — get a suggested band with the plate-floor check built in.
Wedding Gift Calculator →The guideline says your gift should at least cover what the couple spent to host you. The math behind it: the average US wedding runs $34,200 for 117 guests (The Knot 2026 Real Weddings Study) — about $292 all-in per guest, with catering itself around $80 a head. At an upscale city venue, your seat might cost $200+; at a backyard reception, $40.
Treat the plate as a floor, not an invoice. If you're a close friend at a $180-a-plate reception and the band says $125-200, nudge toward the top or past it if you can. If you're a college student at the same wedding, a heartfelt $75 gift and a good toast is fully gracious — most couples would rather have you there than have you stressed. The one move nobody defends is conspicuously under-giving at a wedding you could afford to support.
Cash is now among the most common gifts, and plenty of couples prefer it — honeymoon funds, house-down-payment funds, or just life. Use a card, not a fee-skimming app. Registry gifts win on thoughtfulness and guarantee you bought something they actually chose, at a price they're comfortable with. Group gifting lets several guests share a big-ticket item — coordinate before someone buys the stand mixer solo.
One hybrid worth knowing: buy the registry item nobody wants (the good sheets, the tool set) rather than the sexiest one. Practical gifts from a registry are the most-used gifts on it.
You've spent $400 on a dress you'll wear once, booked a hotel, chipped in for a bachelorette weekend, and taken a Friday off. The top-tier convention ($200-300) assumes none of that. Modern etiquette is more forgiving: your total investment counts, and a $150 gift from a bridesman who spent $800 to be there is fully within the spirit of the thing. If the couple is keeping score beyond that, that's not a gift problem.
Belt-tightening season reality check: if you're also buying engagement gifts, a housewarming present, and holiday gifts in the same quarter, it's fine to land at the low end of the band and write a genuinely warm card. Two years later, people remember the card.
US guests average about $140 per gift. The standard bands: $50-75 for a coworker or acquaintance, $75-125 for a friend or extended family member, $125-200 for a close friend or close relative, $200-300 for immediate family or the bridal party. Add about $50 if your gift covers a plus-one; give about 30% less if you're not attending.
No rule requires it. The average wedding costs the couple roughly $292 all-in per guest (The Knot 2026: $34,200 for 117 guests), with catering around $80 a head, so the instinct behind the guideline is fair. Treat your plate as a floor if you can comfortably afford it — especially at an expensive venue — but a gift from the heart at $75 beats a strained $200 one, and no couple is checking the catering invoice against your envelope.
Not anymore. Cash is now among the most common gifts, and many couples explicitly prefer it via honeymoon or house-down-payment funds. Registry gifts still win on thoughtfulness and are great when you know the couple's taste. Match the same dollar range either way, and put cash in a card with a handwritten note rather than through an app that skims a fee.
Top tier, $200-300, is the convention — but you just paid for attire, travel, and a bachelor or bachelorette weekend. Most etiquette writers agree all of that counts toward your total generosity. A thoughtful $150 gift from a groomsman who spent $800 to be there is completely gracious.
Yes, and etiquette supports you. When flights and hotels run $700+, most guides say scaling back by $25-50 — or more — is entirely appropriate. Your presence at a destination wedding is itself a significant gift; couples who choose faraway venues know exactly what they're asking.